The Mouths of Babes
by Saucery
Summary: Once upon a time, Uther Pendragon was a baby. This is his story. Pure comedy cuteness, starring a bumbling young Gaius and a rather scary King Constantine!


**The Mouths of Babes  
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"Your Highness," said Gaius, irritably, "_no_. Put that down! It's a scientific instrument, not a - "

"Ta-ta!" Uther gurgled and grabbed at the Armillary Sphere - which Gaius quickly moved out of the way.

"No, it is not a 'ta-ta'. It's a very delicate and very _expensive_ model of the celestial sphere, and my master shall have my _head_ if I let it - "

"Goo-ga!"

"Precisely. I cannot let it 'goo-ga', Your Highness, even at your royal and charmingly chubby hands. Here, have a distillation tube. It's shiny, isn't it?" Gaius waved it in front of Uther's face. "Oooh, shiny."

Uther squealed; he seemed enthralled by the coppery light reflecting off the tube's curved surface, and by the tube's odd, convoluted shape. Gaius let him have it, with a sense of overpowering relief - but that relief faded rapidly when Uther started using the tube to _hit_ things, namely, Gaius, because Gaius was apparently close and convenient and very amusing to hit.

"That - _ow_! Stop it, Your Highness! Must you make a weapon out of everything?"

"He is my son," came a gravelly voice from the entrance to the workroom, and Gaius whipped around with his heart in his throat.

It was King Constantine.

"Y-yes, Sire. A warrior in the making, to be sure. No wonder he takes so quickly to warfare! I meant no disrespect..."

Constantine didn't speak - merely waved his hand in an abortive gesture - and Gaius's voice died as surely as if his throat were in a noose. Constantine was a harsh king; his forbidding features and scarred face notwithstanding, he wasn't renowned for being merciful to servants. Let alone to daft eighteen-year-old peasants who apprenticed themselves to aged Court Physicians.

"Dah," said Uther, his own voice noticeably quieter. He hit Gaius one last time, as if to make some sort of obscure point, before letting the distillation tube fall to the floor and tangling his tiny hand in Gaius's tunic, instead.

Gaius resisted the urge to curl over Uther protectively. Uther was Constantine's _son_, after all. Gaius was merely his watcher.

"He seems well," Constantine said, his words as clipped as usual. "Are his feeding habits regular?"

_Too regular, if you ask me. I have to wake up ten times a night._ "His habits are very healthy, Sire. He is a hale and hearty infant. Would you like to..." Gaius hesitated, but surely it couldn't be good for Uther that his father never touched him. "Um. Would you like to hold him, Sire?"

Constantine's eyes - each a flinty Pendragon grey - settled on Uther, and Gaius could almost _feel_ the baby quail against him. "No," said Constantine eventually, "I think not. He prefers your company."

"Er." What could Gaius say to that? Would he sound impertinent if he thanked Constantine for the compliment? _Was_ it a compliment? What if Constantine resented Gaius for his closeness with Uther? But that was preposterous; it was no wonder that Uther would be closer to the one who raised him, as opposed to the one who had merely fathered him and abandoned him to the mercies of the court. _No, no. Those are traitorous thoughts, Gaius. Entertain them at your peril._ "Sire, surely he would prefer your - "

But Constantine cut him off again. "Bring him to see the queen, tonight. She wishes to meet him. But do not keep him there for too long; it will tire her."

Gaius tightened his grip on Uther's small body; he let not a whit of his anger show in his face. "Yes, Sire," he replied, blandly.

"Where is your master?"

"Master Pevensey has just left to collect herbs, Sire. Do you require another sleeping draught? If so, I can tell him when he - "

"You needn't tell him. Brew it for me yourself. You were the one who brewed my draught the last time, were you not?"

How did he know? "Um, that was. I'm just. I mean, I was just - Master Pevensey was ill, so I - "

"Brew it for me. Your draughts are more effective. Pevensey has given me to understand that you can use magic."

Gaius went red in the face; trust Master Pevensey to brag about him when there was nothing to brag about! "Only the most basic charms, Sire. I can't even - "

"You can brew a passable sleeping draught. Have mine in my chambers by sundown. Leave the prince with a maid while you brew."

"Of course, Sire."

Constantine spared one last glance for Uther, who was making soft sounds and drooling against Gaius's chest. "Take care of him."

"I shall, Sire." At last, Gaius was able to give Constantine an honest smile - which the king seemed rather nonplussed by, for he simply gave a curt nod and strode out of the room.

Gaius immediately sagged in relief; he bowed his head over Uther and pressed a kiss to Uther's feather-soft hair. Uther clutched at him and cooed. "He's a scary man, isn't he?" he murmured into Uther's hair. "But he's a good man. He loves you, no matter what he - oi!"

Uther must've been relieved as well, if the hot trickle of urine against Gaius's tunic was anything to go by.

"You're a naughty, naughty prince. Aren't you, Your Highness? I hope you don't react that way after every battle you fight in the future."

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**fin.**

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**Notes:**

...So, yeah!

Ever wondered why Gaius is so _very_ devoted to Uther? And why Uther has _kept Gaius in his service_, despite the fact that he knows Gaius is a wizard? How come everyone _else_ burned at the stake, but Gaius didn't?

This little story explains why.

Also, Constantine is SUCH A MEANIE. :O No _wonder_ Uther ends up having so many issues with his own son!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I had immense fun writing baby!Uther. I mean, you can't _really_ be intimidated by the Great Uther Pendragon once you've seen him in nappies. Once you've _put_ him in nappies. All of a sudden, I can appreciate where Gaius's bizarre fondness for his fearsome liege comes from. :D


End file.
